my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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