the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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