so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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