i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
