I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
