i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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