The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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