that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
