Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
where are my eyebrows?
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