I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i dont even know how to be here
This is the prime rib incident all over again
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
