We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
