all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
