A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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