I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just pee around me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
