I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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