I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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