I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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