I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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