eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize