youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
