hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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