be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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