Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
