Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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