maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
