R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
