my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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