Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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