I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
