I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
