Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
