Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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