Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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