You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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