I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
