She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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