Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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