I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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ttyl tear gas
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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