I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
