i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I will be naked everywhere
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
