just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
