508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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