That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
