so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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