3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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