obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think i have two assholes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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