Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize