Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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