i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My pussy is not your playground.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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