Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i came on her dog
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
