I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
