I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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