dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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