Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Welp...herpes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize