So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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