You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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