Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
