um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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