did you get engaged???
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
