I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
