Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
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We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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