how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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