JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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