Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
