Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
