I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
