Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
